Chapter 42 of Nikola's Nightmares by Claudia Markovich

Chapter 42: A Fond Farewell

Two weeks later, Eddie and Nikola were sitting in a cocktail lounge at JFK International Airport. Nikola had decided to cut short her year in the States and return to Germany. Over the past week, she had packed up all of her paintings and art supplies from the Soho apartment, as well as the unsold paintings left from her exhibition at the gallery. They were in the process of being shipped to Germany, most were already en route. Beside that, she had only a few suitcases that contained her personal belongings. She left the studio apartment as she had found it, furnished but uninhabited. It was a place she did not regret leaving, it had never really felt like home, and her bad experiences there were equal in number, if not greater than, her good ones.

The only thing she would miss from here were her relationships with two people, Alex and Eddie, and she wasn't even so sure about Alex.

Eddie, on the other hand, had proven herself to be the best and most supportive friend Nikola could have hoped for. After hearing the news about her family, Nikola had spent hours just sitting on her couch, as Alex left her, in a confused daze. She probably would have sat there longer if Eddie hadn't come by to visit and see how she was. When Eddie found Nikola like that, she dragged her out of the apartment, fed her, and, sensing Nikola's reluctance to talk, filled the space between them with all the latest gallery gossip. Eddie managed to tear Nikola out of her trance and brought her back to the present. Eddie even insisted that Nikola spend the night at her place, which was when Nikola finally broke down and told Eddie everything.

Nikola had needed to talk. She needed the release. She couldn't bear the pressure of keeping the dreadful secret inside and knew that Eddie would not judge her harshly for it. On the contrary, Eddie was very supportive, and hardly even seemed shocked by what Nikola had to say. She reinforced Nikola's self confidence and enabled her to separate herself somewhat from her background, and put things more into perspective. Nikola wondered how she would have survived the last two weeks without Eddie.

"When's your flight?" Eddie asked Nikola as they sat down together.

"I have another hour and a half."

"I'll miss having you around. I'm sorry you had to cut this trip short."

"I'll miss you too Eddie. You've been a great friend. I can't thank you enough for all you've done."

"Oh, it was nothing. How're you doing?"

"Confused. I had always thought it was me. I assumed that it must have been a flaw in me that drove my parents away. Sometimes I thought that maybe they were dead, but that also seemed like it must have been my fault. I was sure that God was punishing me for something. Maybe He is."

"What are you talking about? That's ridiculous."

"But you heard their crazy story... It's just too much. I almost wish I still didn't know my family. That's why I decided to cut my year here short. I need to get away."

"Do you think you'll ever come back?"

"I really don't know. In some ways I feel like I belong here. I was born here after all, and I did have a very good time with you, and with the other artists I met here. There's a real freedom and openness here that I haven't seen anywhere else. There's also a wildness and lack of discipline that's different from what I'm used to. I don't think I could ever live like you and some of your friends, but it was fun to hang out in that atmosphere while I was here. I think if I could work here again for a while, without all the pressure of this trip of course, I could do a lot of exploring in my painting." Nikola looked up at Eddie and smiled for the first time in a while.

"Well, I for one, really hope you do come back. But we're not really all that wild. You should read about the Warhol crowd if you want to discover wild."

"I've heard about them, and I'm sure they'd be way too much for me."

"I think they were way too much for anybody. That's how they got their fifteen minutes of fame. What are you going to do next?"

"Go back to my life in Germany, for one thing. It'll be nice to go back to a life that doesn't have quite so many surprises. Where I know what to expect from day to day. I may not have anyone as exciting as Alex to go out with, but at least the men I know there don't turn out to be complete strangers when I least expect it. I've known most of those guys for years."

"Are you going to miss Alex?"

"Yes, I think I will, probably more than I realize, but I don't know what else to do. I still can't trust him, and I'm just not ready for any kind of relationship with him right now. It'll take me a long time to recover from his deception, and yet, logically, I understand that he was only doing what he had to do. When I look at how he acted afterwards, and how he looked out for me, I feel like I should trust him again. But it'll take time. I still have a lot to learn about myself and my family first."

"Like what?"

"I want to learn more about my mother. She's my last hope of some normalcy in the family. I have some really good memories of the time we spent together. Hopefully, as time goes on, I'll remember more."

"Don't you think that would be easier here? Maybe the house can bring back some memories."

"I've thought of that, but I just can't stay. I went back to the house once after Mary's death, and I just couldn't wait to get out of there." Nikola looked down at her hands, which started shredding a napkin when she spoke about the house.

"Why?"

"I don't know. The whole place gave me the creeps. It reminds me too much of them. I feel like if I stay there, I'll snap one day and become some kind of crazed killer."

"Don't be silly."

"No less than two members of my family tried to kill me. That's more than half of the family I've met so far. On top of that, I feel like my father's still lying to me."

"What about?"

"I was asking for my mother's papers. I know she did a lot of writing, I used to see her at it all the time. I remember this book that she always used to carry around, completely stuffed with papers and letters. I know she kept up a constant correspondence with her sister, and I think she corresponded with other friends and family too. I wouldn't be surprised if she kept a diary as well, because I know she took time out every day to write. I'd love to get my hands on that stuff and read it. It seems like such a wonderful way to get to know more about her. But when I went back to the house to ask for it, first my father denied it's existence, and then when I insisted, he claimed that all her papers had been lost. I have a feeling that he's hiding them somewhere. Either that or Mary got her hands on them and destroyed everything. Either way, it pisses me off. I'm her daughter and I feel like I have a right to them, or at least a right to know what happened to them. But there's not a whole lot I can do about it now."

"How did your Dad seem?"

"He wasn't in very good shape. I think he feels responsible for Mary's death. He kept trying to talk me into staying here, even staying at the house, but I just couldn't bear the thought. I feel kind of guilty about it, though."

"Why? He's the one who abandoned you in the first place. He's the one who should be feeling guilty."

"I know. I tell myself that all the time, but... I don't know, it's just all so weird." Nikola looked up at Eddie, then between her and the window they were sitting near. The sight of the planes taxiing in and out of the gates calmed Nikola.

"I certainly won't argue with that one." Eddie looked up at Nikola and smiled.

"He kept offering me money, too."

"Did you take any?"

"No."

"You're from a rich family now. You won't have to worry about every painting sale. That should be a load off your mind."

"Yeah, but I don't want to feel obligated to him. I've always been independent because I've had to, and I think I've derived a lot of satisfaction from that. As long as I can support myself, I feel like no one can tell me what to do. I don't want to give that up."

"I don't think your father would try to tell you what to do."

"I don't think so either, but I really don't want to have too much to do with him right now. I need time to absorb and accept all of this. I also want to learn more about my mother's family to get a more balanced picture of this heritage I have all of a sudden."

"Does your mother have a lot of family in Germany?"

"I actually don't know how much family she has there, or even if any of them are still alive. I know she had a sister, because I remember my mother talking about her, and my father remembers her parents, both of whom were still alive when she died, but no one from here has kept in contact with them since then. So I guess I'll have to do some digging."

"Do you have addresses for them from that time?"

"Nothing. Just names. All I know about them is that they lived in Frankfurt thirty years ago."

"That's not a whole lot to go on."

"No, but it's a start. I almost wish I could take Alex with me. He'd probably find them."

"You can always hire a private eye over there."

"Yes, I know, and I will if I have to, but first I want to try and find them on my own. I didn't sell nearly as many paintings as I'd hoped to here, and the finances are a little tight."

"I know what you mean. The gallery's not in good shape these days. I don't know if the new manager can overcome all the damage Martha did to it's reputation." Eddie scowled slightly as she spoke about the gallery.
"It was all Martha's doing. People shouldn't blame the gallery."

"But you know they do. There's just too much competition in Soho. People can afford to be fickle. Any hint of a problem and they move on. By the way, thanks a lot for calling Peter in on all this. He was a real help. I was really impressed with how he came in, took charge, and got the gallery up and running again. He was only here a few days, but it made a big difference. He seems like a great person to work with."

"He's been running the Munich branch ever since I've been there, and he's always been really helpful and supportive."

"I hope the scandal doesn't affect the Munich branch. He doesn't deserve that."

"It's probably far enough away," Nikola said thoughtfully. "Even if people there heard about it, they may not make the association."

"What did Peter say about it?"

"He didn't seem to think it would make any difference. He said that business was good lately. I think they'll be all right. Hey, if you have problems here maybe it's time for you to take a year sabbatical in Germany. You're always welcome to stay with me, and I'm sure I could arrange an exhibition for you in the Munich branch. I showed Peter some transparencies of your work when he was here and he really liked it."

"Did you really? Why didn't you tell me?" asked Eddie, her eyes opened wide.

"I didn't think of it. We were in Martha's office together and I came across her files with all the gallery artists' slides. I thought I'd point yours out because I know he likes expressionist work, and it did occur to me that an exhibition in Germany would be a great way to get you to come visit."

"I might just take you up on that. It sounds like fun, and if things don't improve here I might need to."

"Don't limit yourself to Vermes. There are other galleries in Soho, Eddie, and your work is really good. If things don't pick up at Vermes, maybe you should start shopping around for some place else to show."

"But I had such a hard time finding a gallery in the first place, I don't know if any place else would accept me."

"That was years ago, you have more experience and more of a following now. Just keep it in mind as an open option." Nikola smiled and shook her head at Eddie's distrustful expression. "Any news about Martha?"

Eddie shrugged and said, "I haven't heard much. I think she's out on parole at the moment. I did hear that she hired some hotshot lawyer to defend her. Probably paid for with her ill-gotten gains. Sometimes I worry that she might try to get back at us, but she hasn't tried anything yet as far as I know. She never was responsible for any of the torment you went through, was she?"

"No, we suspected her for everything, but it was all from my family. Hard to believe that a family would put you through that."

"Don't think about it, Nikola. It's over now, and soon you'll be a continent away from them."

"I know, sorry."

"Try not to worry about it too much. Are you going to get that article about you published like Alex promised?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact it's coming out next month, and it's going to be in Perceptions magazine after all. I'd appreciate it if you could buy a couple of extra copies and send them to me. Alex promised to send me one, but I want to be sure, and it would be nice to have extras."

"Sure, I can't wait to see it myself. How did Alex take the news that you're leaving?"

"He took it pretty well. He's really hard to read. I think he really cares about me, but he never questioned my decision to leave or anything. He promised to write and visit, so we'll see."

"Any relationships waiting back home?"

"No, just friends. But that's what I need most right now anyway. Oh Eddie, I'm going to miss you so much. You've been so helpful for my whole stay here, that I can't thank you enough. Promise you'll keep in touch," Nikola said with a quick smile and then a glance at her watch.

"Of course. And you may see me in Germany before long." Eddie returned the smile.

"I'll be looking forward to it. I should be heading towards the gate. They'll be boarding the plane soon."

"It's been great having you here."

"I enjoyed it too, and I hope to see you again soon."

"Same here."

The two women hugged and kissed good-bye. Nikola knew that she would miss Eddie very much, but was ready to leave. She picked up her bags and headed for the gate. Nikola turned once to wave to Eddie, and then headed straight through. She was glad to be leaving, and, although it had been quite an adventure, she wouldn't want to do it again.

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